ok so i have WAY to much going on in right now. i feel like im in the middle of World War III and let me tell you it isnt fun. it seems as if these days nothing is going the way i feel they should be. everything seems to be falling apart.
first off one thing i would change is the fact that my best friend aka my little sister is locked away in this wonderful place they call Juvenille Hall. and why? well because she was dating a 19 year old creep that was trying to control her. he wouldnt let her go to school. barely let her see friends. cheated on her. and used her from whatever he could. but was somehow able to convince her he loved her. so she is now locked up to be kept away from him. oh and because she "threatened" to kill my mom. haha. i dont blame her though. so while im dealing with a mass collection of absolute chaos the one person i need the most has been taken away from me.
secondly my other best friend aka my fiance jonny is also locked up. but he would be in prison. why? because his dumb ass had a horribly dumbass moment with some "friends" of his. they decided that it would be fun to rob a smoke shop. and they got caught. so the court made him sign a 2 year LID. and he got bailed out of jail by his aunt who at first was pretty cool but then turned into a crazy lady. yea. she was crazy. she called MY cell phone and left messages that were well.... hmmm...... CRAZY status!!! ok so back to this LID. it means if he messed up one more time he would have to do 2 years in state prison. well for a while he was doing extremely good. then he decided it would be a good idea to buy a stolen car. and his dumb ass got caught with this stolen car and went to jail again!!! ugh! grrr! GRAWR!!! ok so this one was a book and release. thankfully.
then one night while i was taking his doggy out to go to the bathroom and im walking down the street i see cop lights flashing. and i didnt think much of it. until i got closer and realized my boyfriend was sitting on the curb in handcuffs with 4 of his friends. and i was pissed! severly pissed. so i kept walking. but he said "wait. please wait. i didnt do anything i promise." so i decided to wait. the cop came and talking to me and said that he had a warrent out because he missed a juvenille court date. which he says he didnt know about. and he was going to juvenille hall for the night. yey! ugh!
well the next day was his sentencing court date for the jail. and he was sentenced to prison for 2 years. when he told me this i thought i was going to die. but his best friend kept me from going insane. he told me it would be ok. i dont know why but for some reason he was able to keep me some what happy as i watched my world fall down before me. he made me believe everything was going to be ok. for 2 days after that he wouldnt let me go home. he made me stay with him for 2 nights because he wasnt going to let me go home and wallow and do god knows what. he had to make sure i wasnt going to do anything stupid.
well this friend i became kinda attached to. id leave my house almost every day hoping i could find him. because he could always cheer me up. the funny thing is he always made fun of me. he called me bitch, or it, jonnys slave. but it was comforting. im not sure why. he was alot like jonny and in a way made me feel like jonny was still there.
well on september 2nd 2011 this wonderful person died. maybe of an overdose. or natural causes. but either way it was unfair. and having to tell my boyfriend that his bestfriend was dead was honestly the hardest thing i had ever done. most people told me not to tell him. to wait till he got out. but i had to tell him. he needed to know. if he found out when he got out it would be alot worse. so i told him.
another thing im dealing with is the realization that i cant change my mom. its hard to explaine the way she is and you kinda have to know her to understand. but its difficult for me and my sister. growing up we were constntly yelled at for nothing. always judged by her. it made us feel worthless nad pathetic. she would hit us and then deny it. she has a problem with not thinking she has a problem. she has really bad mood swing sometimes. she tryed to keep us icolated from family because they were "brain washing" us. she had multiple boyfriends that were shady and couldnt be trusted. they were either on drugs or alcoholics. and would hurt her kids but she looked away from it like it never happened. she doesnt believe she did anything wrong and wont appologize to use.
i thought for the longest time i could change her and i tryed so hard but every time i tryed i got let down. i would get my hopes up and try so hard but no change was made. so i have to realize shes not going to change and she is who she is. so i have to learn to live with that.
im also dealing with my little sisters (who is 14) ex boyfriend (who is 19) pretty much stalking me. there is a restraining order against him but he still feels the need to text me daily multiple times. i havent replied to any of these messages for about 3 weeks but he continues to text me. its annoying and getting creepy. he was a creeper from the first day i met him. i just want him to stop texting me and leave me alone. the most messed up thing is that he says he is in love with my sister but a week after she is locked up he trys hooking up with me. hes a pervert! like im not going to tell my little sister about it. or my boyfriend? who already completely hates him. hes seriously stupid. and not only did he try gettin wit me, he also tryed to get with my friend jesecha who also is goingto tell my sister about it. sh he pretty much fucked him self over. dumb stupid bastard. haha. whatever its his mistake.
so that is just a summery of my issues that im dealing with and its not fun. completely overwhelming and exhasting. makes me want to stay in bed and sleep all day but i cant. im trying to deal with all of it the best i can and try to stay possitive. im trying to stay focused on my future and what i need to do to make sure it doesnt come crashing down like my past always. because now that i am 18 and leagally an adult i have to take responsibility off my life and can actually make it what i want it!
well its late, im tired, and im going to bed.
XoXo BabyGurl
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